The Gyalwang Drukpa

Subsequently, from that moment, he was already my beloved and respected Master even though he was yet to be seen by me personally. After about a year, I started receiving teachings and guidance on various kinds of subjects from him for more than 9 years. He was the authentic "eye" for me, not only in religious and spiritual matters but in the everyday life as well. Though I had a strong wish to spend with him the rest of my life learning the boundless things of the vase which we call the universe, and serve him, it is said that, "The demon will be very active where the god is." Therefore, I had to discontinue the pleasure of being together with him, and instead roam the world doing my so-called "duty". I was always thinking of discontinuing these other activities soon after fulfilling certain aspects of service to the lineage and the people of my lineage, and then have this precious Master continuously for the rest of his or my life. However, as we all know, these fortunes should always be seized when they are available. It is never recommended to let them go, even for the price of one's life. Truly enough, my fortune of being with him and seeking the infinite blessings of his presence and teachings never came back to me. I am sure that he was not totally fulfilled by the time and effort that I could spare myself for his teachings. For that I am very sad and I will never get myself out of it. The only way to restore it is to attain the great enlightenment in this lifetime through the contemplation of his words and example that he had generously given me. I am working very hard on following what he really showed me as life's path. I will never forget his infinite kindness and sublime knowledge bestowed on me in those beautiful days when we were together having a fruitful time every day of the month and every hour of the day. This master was not only a great teacher when he gave me the oral teachings but every movement of his body and all the conversations, including the jokes and those worldly tales, whatever came out of his mouth, had a tremendous effect on my mind to improve myself and be compassionate. Additionally, the amount of joy that one can experience just from his sight is an immeasurable vase, and profound, which is the true influence of his own accomplished kindness and infinite love.

While I was learning from him, I never used to dream of him, and I used to think that it might mean he was inseparable from my heart and practice. However, one very early morning, without his physical presence, I saw him coming to me in a garden where we used to visit together and have Dharma chitchat. He was in a rush and said he was running late to fulfill the next commitment and came just to say goodbye to me. It was indeed a very kind of exciting and short dream, but after about a week, I got the news of his parinirvana. I realized that it was the first and final dream that he would ever come into; it was solely to tell me the final goodbye. He left me alone on this lonely, dreadful planet before I even knew how to walk properly. I know finally we all need to take our own liberty in leading our life but it was too short a time that I was given by my karma to spend with him. I really regret not being smart enough to renounce everything and hold the only opportunity of serving him that I could ever have been given in my thousands of lives of past, present, and future. I understand, though, when masters are left with not much spiritual interaction from students for a period of time, they tend to have no wish to live longer in this world, and switch their activities to another world to benefit its beings. I still hope with confidence that he understood that my karma did not allow me to accomplish the commitment that I have with him and that it was not because I was not interested in the spiritual path.