Medical leave is sometimes not so bad, at least for me, although I don't like the idea and the feeling of being sick. According to some readings, this year and the next couple of years are not supposed to be good for me. So my children and colleagues have been requesting and arranging for many prayers to be done everywhere, especially my nuns who are constantly preparing and doing very extensive Namgyalma poojas and also many of my students and friends are doing all sorts of practices for my longevity.
On one hand, all their worries are like some sorts of negative vibration gathered together and sent to me like a stream of rainfalls. I was having toothache, backache, headache and even my little toes were aching like nobody's business. On the other hand, positive vibration is also sent to me through all the different practices and poojas and most importantly, the positive activities of benefiting others. So while I am suffering from all the different aching sensations in many parts of my body, I am also enjoying a lot in the sense of having the time to rest and to be out of the picture of meeting people. I am constantly telling people that I am on medical leave, which is quite nice to say. I normally keep a few hours in a day to meet people, but this arrangement has to be stopped until I get better. I don't want to say that I am in a retreat, although many people are spreading news that I am in a retreat because I guess it's embarrasing for them to tell others that I am on medical leave.
Some of them even say behind my back that "He should not tell the world that he is on medical leave, because people see him as super and immortal and he should be strong and always healthy and giving support to everyone." Some people don't believe that I would be on medical leave because they think I am running away from my responsibility and I am actually having a holiday galavanting and enjoying myself. It is strange for me to sometimes think that so many people say that I am their guru and that they are my followers, yet they assume that I don't know what they have in their mind and what kind of motivation they constantly have.
Because of many requests pouring from everywhere, there will be a few long life poojas happening, the 2 main ones will be in Kathmandu in September and in Darjeeling in October. I will most likely be in Kathmandu to join with Khamtrul Rinpoche Jigme Pema Nyinjadh and my beloved friends and students from Vietnam, and also to join with my friends and students from Europe for the one in Darjeeling in October. Anyway, I don't think such kind of long life poojas should be dedicated just for me, it should be dedicated for all the great and rare masters as well as all the good and kind beings, because anyone who is helping the beings, the world and the universe, should live long to perform positive activities to benefit others, it doesn't matter where they come from, what religion they belong, etc. Before I forget, on 8th September, during the long life pooja, we will all go to Swayambhunath Stupa to formally invite the deity to return to the Stupa.
In actual fact, the medical leave gives me a lot of time that I don't have otherwise to finish a lot of other work. I am still very busy, but in a different way. At least I am left alone to finish composing a very important practice for our lineage. In our lineage, there are 4 main and particular practices that you have to actively pursue and accompllish if you are a serious practitioner. We have long practice of Mitrugpa or Akshyobya, long practice of long life Buddha and long practice of Chenrezig and we are supposed to have a very long one for Vajrasattva which is extremely vital for this degenerate age, but we don't have it. So thanks to the medical leave, I am composing one that is not so extremely long and yet long enough to practise and achieve some level. To tell you honestly and I guess I have told you many times, it's a hard job to be a guru in this age. Even if you have a lot of profound teachings to share, there is hardly any qualified student to receive. A good teacher can only be good if he or she has at least a good student. In many of our cases, we are quite unfortunate. Most students and followers are more interested in superficial accomplishments of a guru and almost all of them expect the guru to treat them nice and warm like treating a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Devotion is lacking because these so-called students do many things that are harmful to themselves and ultimately to the guru, yet they never change and in many cases they become worse than the time before they become practitioners. They often put the blame of their failures and retribution on karma and other people, except themselves.
Spiritual practice means a positive development of your own life, of your own self. So long as you are developing in positive direction through different skills such as meditation, you will reach some where better, I guarantee you! The most disappointing thing for a guru is to see their students and friends living a messier life, more problematic life and more confused life after practising for a while. Most of them pretend to be good spiritual practitioners and they sometimes even tell people how to practise and how to live happy life, when they themselves are very messy. This shows that spiritual practice has not grown within them, it has only become a gift wrapper, nothing has changed inside and something is getting more rotten. The behaviour I really discourage is pretending to be a spiritual practitioner when one is not.
But this is not the end of the world. If you know this, then right here and right in this minute, you should just jump from where you are and promise yourself to immediately change. Stop being sloppy, stop giving excuses of being busy and having no time, stop being someone who has no courage to face yourself. No one is perfect in this world, it is through developing this perfection in humanity and in becoming a wholesome being that our life is nourished in the positive way. Unless you accept yourself, your own faults, shortcomings and also your own beauty, you definitely cannot change for the better. Instead of wasting your time criticizing others, you should look at yourself and improve yourself. Instead of feeling guilty and pessimistic, better do something now since we are still alive and breathing. Instead of feeling proud of yourself thinking that you are beyond everyone, that no one can be better than you and that you are allowed to make mistakes while others are not, it's recommended for you to check yourself and start to appreciate everything and everyone in your life. I get very tired whenever people start complaining about others because they never see themselves doing anything wrong and all the problems are caused by others. So stop complaining, stop your ego from pretending, stop your self-pitying attitude and stop giving excuses for your own mistakes, just stop all the nonsense and live a positive, progressive and happy life! Since we are here, still alive and living on this earth, we better make the best out of our life and make it as beneficial as possible. Life is too precious and too short to be wasted.
Anyway, I was supposed to write only 1 paragraph because I can feel and tell that many people from different corners are very worried about me. So I thought I should just pop up and say that I am still around, not to worry. I will take care of myself and I will try to live as long as I can. Similarly you should take very good care of yourself, especially your mind, if you all are becoming happier and less messy, my life and my health will also be sorted out automatically.
