My father, Zhichen Bairo Rinpoche, is actually a very important and well-known master of the Nyingma Kathog tradition. He is the head of Zhichen Kharmar Sangag Tangye Ling in Gulok, one of the major branches of Kathog Dorje Dhan in eastern Tibet, which has its own group of over 20 branch monasteries throughout the region. Many people told me that my father had performed many miracles when he was in eastern Tibet. He left his footprints, palm prints and several sticks in different rocks, when he was there. Like a mischievous child, he did all this externally with a lot of fun, but I believe that secretly he left many of his blessings behind before moving to India.

My father had never wanted to give me away to any monastery, because he knew that the life of a tulku must be very difficult. Too bad that my birth was announced publicly on the holy 10th day where so many people gathered around these great masters such as the king of Tertons, His Holiness the late Dudjom Rinpoche and many others. Everyone felt that a son from my father must definitely be someone special, those who have known me for a long time must be thinking that people had made a wrong mistake by assuming that. A great father does not necessarily have a great son.

So at the end, many monasteries tried to recognise me as their Tulku, and my parents had to run away from these different monasteries. My parents had tried their best to hide me from many people, but obviously did not succeed and my talkativeness and too much of showing off at infancy put me now in this stressful position. I should not be complaining of course, because I have great parents who have been supporting me morally and materially. So far, I have been very lucky.

I am happy to be able to spend some time with my parents these days. The thing I feel not very happy about is to see my father getting old. I know this is the nature of life for everybody including myself. But somehow, I find it quite difficult to accept. My father, until recently, was so active and happy, but he has not been well and this is bringing him down morally as he often feels that he can no longer contribute his life for benefiting beings and the people around him, especially me, his beloved son. Compared to my father, I am really so lazy and dumb. Even now, he is so active, full of live and full of humour. I am the exact opposite. He is optimistic, I am pessimistic. He is so tall, I am so short. But we love each other dearly.

You simply cannot imagine how difficult it was for the Drukpa Lineage when I was taken back to my monastery in Darjeeling. My late guru, Thuksey Rinpoche, had bought a piece of small land from a tea plantation to resettle our small community who had come out from Tibet. As you know, the lineage is truly a lineage of yogis, so I could say that many of the masters and their entourage who came out to India then were materially unprepared. It was very difficult, but I had great memory of my beloved guru and the community who were financially quite poor but spiritually extremely well-to-do.

My father, at that time, was already a renowned master teaching in Bhutan, and was a personal master to the late Queen Mother. He was very resourceful. Looking at his poor son, that is me, he could not resist but to come over and help me. He gave me my first car when I was barely 13 years' old. He gave me pocket money so that I didn't have to worry and I was even able to give a little help to our monastery. Later on, when I had to stay in Ladakh for a few years, my father followed me there and out of his unconditional love for me, he took up the position of manager at Hemis Monastery. Thinking of this makes me so shameful, because I was taking my father away from his own lineage and he gave the golden years of his life to me, his only son, working as a manager of Hemis! I always felt so guilty for having abused my father's love. If it were not for him, our Drukpa Lineage would have lost several monasteries to other aggressive organisations, due to a shortage of money and being naive. On a few occasions, my father took a truck load of Hemis monks to reclaim monasteries for the lineage. It was not because of his devotion to the Drukpa Lineage, it was because of his love for me. I really feel how lucky I am being his only son and how unlucky he is to have me as a son.

The idea of building the Zhichen Bairo Ling in Kathmandu was never my father's idea. For those who know him well enough, my father is such a humble and sweet person, who has no selfish ambitions whatsoever. I felt that I owed him and his lineage a lot for keeping him with me so I encouraged him to build a monastery for his own lineage in Kathmandu, so that he would be able to spread his beautiful wisdom, compassion and love in the name of his own lineage.

As you know, my father has been actively restoring his own head monastery in eastern Tibet. I have also been requesting my friends and students to help him. Some of my people might have had many questions in their heads asking, "Why is this guy helping his father to restore a project of another lineage? He needs a lot of money for his own projects too and a lot of support for his own lineage too, doesn't he?" Well, I have to tell you that I myself and the spiritual lineage that I am in charge of owe a lot to my father. I don't want to say further because talking too much is too painful for me to think of the time and energy my father has spent helping me and the Drukpa Lineage. He did it quietly and sincerely, because of his unconditional love for an incapable son like me.

My father and I enjoy a wonderful relationship. He always tells me about how small I was when I was a baby because I came to this world one month earlier than expected, thinking of this now, maybe it was a wrong decision to appear in this world in the middle of a huge crowd. My father says that because I was so small as a baby, I used to sit on his big palm smiling to him and playing with him.

I was not a healthy baby. But I was apparently quite talkative and bossy even as a baby. About a year before I was recognised, I had a stroke that paralysed me. My father and my uncle went into retreats and took me everywhere for pilgrimage, to clear my obstacles and the negative energy that was impairing my health. I remember very clearly that one day at the Swayambhunath Stupa, while my father was circumambulating the stupa and while I was left on the roadside picking up small worms to put them on the grass so that they wouldn't be stepped on, I thought I heard my father calling me. It was then that I stood up miraculously and walked towards my father. Before that I was paralysed and unable to walk, just sitting on the floor and saving worms and insects while everyone circumambulated the stupa. I can still remember my father was so happy. I believe my father's love for me took me away from all the diseases and the misfortunes that could have made my life miserable and perhaps short. So because of my father's love and his blessings, I never had to crawl, I just stood up and walked. It is quite amazing for a paralysed child, isn't it?

My gurus used to ask me, "Your father is such a great terton. You must have received so many great teachings from him." I never knew he was a great terton, he was a father to me, he was never a terton to me. More than ten years ago, I went with my father and a few friends and students for a short pilgrimage to Chakrasamvara's holy place. I saw it with my own eyes that my father took a Buddha's statue out from a rock, it was only then that I believed my beloved father is indeed a Terton. This brings me to tell you a bit about his being 36th reincarnation. Why I am only in my 12th and he is already in his 36th? Well, for me, firstly, between the first and second there was a gap of more than 200 years, I guess the first Drukpa had appointments in other places therefore he could only come back much later; and secondly, most Gyalwang Drukpas lived between 40 to 50 years' old. Whereas in my father's case, his previous reincarnations lived very short lives. I was told that they came to this world to reveal some sacred terma and after that they would leave the world. In my father's present life, when he was in eastern Tibet, he promised one of his attendants by mistake that he was going to live long, so he actually is the longest living Bairo Rinpoche, but we all want him to live many more years, don't we?

My father's main wish right now is to complete the Zhichen Monastery, that is Zhichen Kharmar Sangag Tangye Ling in Gulok, within this year. Also, I feel that my father is deeply sorry for not being able to finish restoring this monastery and I think that this is very much my responsibility to complete it for him. I don't know whether this is possible or not as I myself do not have any means besides going around bugging my friends and students in different places. I very much wish that the unfinished part of my father's monastery will be completed within this year, so that my father can go and inaugurate the monastery and bless it with his presence before it becomes difficult for him to travel. In a way, I feel indebted to him to make this happen. Well, let's see what will happen.

Sorry for those who have to translate all these long gossips of mine. I want to really thank all of the translators of my gossips and the webmasters of the websites in different languages. I don't know if anyone is reading my messages in other languages or not, but whoever reads them, I pray that through the connection made with the help of modern technologies, peace, harmony, love, kindness and understanding will prevail in this crucial time of troubles, difficulties and confusions. There are indeed a lot of bad news and violence in this world. Unconditionally, let's all pray for all beings without exception, may they be free from suffering, free from pain and violence, from blood shed and anger and from fear and jealousy. May happiness, peace and love return soon. This comes from the depth of my heart.

LIVE TO LOVE!!